What Is the Season of Life?
Living With People Who Choose To Make Their Lives Beautiful…
In his novel “Journey to the Center of the Earth”, Jules VERNE, one of the most influential writers of his era, says;
“THE AGREEMENT BETWEEN TWO HEARTS EXTENDS SPRING BY A CENTURY.”
Before I move on to my blog post for today, I’d like you to watch my YouTube video “what do you need to achieve your dreams?“, if you haven’t watched it yet.
It is very important to trust the transformation and believe in change taking place in the big picture on the way to the life you dream of living. Believe in this beginning and completion in your heart of hearts.
In this post, I will talk about my coachee, who started the session by saying, “I feel lost.”, you will be able to make conscious inferences according to the situations in your own relationships where the communication is blocked and where you need to speak unmasked and honestly.
There was a sentence that my coachee never uttered, said inwardly, to his girlfriend, to his family, to business partnerships, to all the people around him, but first to himself;
“Illuminate the hidden light inside you again, your heart knows the truth…”
Many people are afraid of starting over, but it should not be forgotten that you are not starting from scratch. By leaving the past that limits you in your relationships, you start over with experiences that will sensibly provide you with strength in your progress. At some point in their lives, many people make spiritual promises to themselves through the deep heartache and drama they have experience internally.
Remember your sentences that begin with ‘never again’. Which of these sentences are keeping you from moving forward in your existing relationships today?
What is the effect of these sentences in terms of what you wish to experience but cannot?
With your mother, father, siblings, children, spouse, lover, friends, colleagues, work environment, and even with yourself…
Each individual will carry the season he lives in to all areas of life, to the past, present, and future. Individuals who can realize their awareness will sustain their spring at all times.
For an individual who is possessive of his relationships, it is possible to do what is necessary, to do his part, to reflect love with care and understanding, to be able to give and receive what is expected, despite ………, against the justified ‘despites’ of the past, it is possible for him to be a pioneer. It is possible for him to experience summer in every season.
If he still confuses you with his words in the communications in his relationships, if he creates uncertainties and insecurity with his behaviors, if he leaves you on the alert wondering if he is going to leave, quit or give up at any moment, if he turns into a cold person as soon as you leave him, if he starts to have threatening dialogues with you under the pretext of sentences starting with excessive care and love, if he makes excuses not to take responsibility for the words he said when he was with you, if you witness similar dialogues and situations with others, if he criticizes you and your physical features to change them as he wishes, if you witness that he criticizes others in this way saying it is for their own good, if a person is always trying to keep the attention on him by being nice to you, what do you think is the season that that person hides behind what he shows?
In thousands of sessions, I have seen how stingy people can be sometimes with their feelings, even people who are generous in all other areas, like the meaning of my last name. Backing away from sharing by suppressing one’s feelings has, to start with, hurts him/ her with the severity of the pressure created by constraints. Because only once when the final limit is reached, an explosion occurs. Waiting for the right time, especially in uncertainties, will always tire out everyone involved.
Let’s continue with the sections from the coaching session that my coachee and I had.
“…the turmoil I am experiencing inside me is driving me into depression, I don’t know how to get out of here. I have hope, if I present my feelings, I know that good things are waiting for me, but the issues I am struggling with have really worn me out and I am very depressed. There are people who put blocks on my plans for the future, and they play all kinds of games with me.”
What are these future plans?
“I know what I want very clearly; I am determined now that I know no bounds, I want to get out of these situations of conflict. My girlfriend also knows this now, and she no longer has tolerance for me, because some issues are just not bearable for her anymore. She wants me to take a proper emotional step towards her, she wants us to talk to each other, but the things I am struggling with right now prevent me from going to her. There are a lot of things that I contemplate, but my realizations about the future made me more determined. I must be able to show my efforts in reality.”
I am not quite sure, what is your plan for the future?
“I want to get stronger. I want to get out of situations where I am desperate, make decisions and take steps to overcome the obstacles that may come my way.
What are these steps?
“I am aware of how precious she is, I want to approach her the way she deserves. I have some fears and I want to take steps to eliminate the unease that causes my desperation. I want to win all these wars, triumph and cherish her the way she deserves to be cherished; then I will tell her everything she expects to know. I know she is waiting for this but I have to put an end to the situations I am struggling with, I am trying to get my life straight.
What are these struggles you have?
who put the blocks in front of me, in my plans. I am at a dead-end with situations that I have to sustain because of others. In order for me to step into novelty, I must first obtain victories. I know her heart is broken and she is waiting for me to make a move. It always seems as if I am going to her with excuses, but I am trying really hard. I made a mistake in the beginning by starting. I know her inside out.
In order to protect my free spirit, I had said that I would do whatever I wanted using my intellect to manage my communication with her, that I would manage this relationship without any limitation of structure, but she realized this. Everything was easy at first as she unraveled her emotional world and personality. When I told her not to control me, she realized that I was controlling and manipulating her in the relationship. She figured out the things I was doing to deceive her and was able to manage the emotions that triggered her emotionally. In fact, I can even say that it was you who caused it. My girlfriend follows your posts.” he said, and our session was livened up for a while with our laughter.
And do you really love this person?
“I may not be able to show her my feelings the way she wants, but my feelings for her have intensified over time like never before in my life. Sometimes even I cannot make sense of my admiration and love towards her. But as I said, there are some situations in my life that I have to put an end to, and I want to tell her about her responsibility on my shoulders. There is nothing I cannot do for her and us, and I took on these responsibilities because I made plans with her. I also have the potential to overcome these responsibilities, but first I have to remove the obstacles. I prayed for this, I made wishes, only there are other things in my life that she does not know about.”
Do you love her?
Yes, I love her, I feel her absence a lot, I think a lot, but I have heavy burdens and financial problems. I think about everything a lot, if I have a chance, I will carry this relationship to a whole other level and celebrate. I am trying to seize that opportunity, but I am not okay. I cannot take big steps, I cannot give her what she deserves, I cannot sleep at night like her. I know exactly what I want, but I don’t know how to do it.
What would you like to say to her if she was here, in my place right now?
“I really want to call you, I really want to make you happy. I really want to take concrete steps for you, you are so beautiful and so precious. I admire you but I don’t know if I am enough for you in my current situation that puts me in a dilemma, you shine so brightly, you are so clear and so determined… But I have also been working on something. There are some situations I am counting on, I have experienced many disappointments in my life, you do not know about them. You think everything is going well for me. All my plans were turned upside down when I was so eager and passionate as well, and I couldn’t make a move, but I know exactly what I want now. I have dreams about you and us, and I know that luck will be on my side; all the processes will be over, and I will fix everything. Because I cannot see ahead of me right now, you think I am not doing anything. I have my hands tied, and I am tying your hands too, but believe me, I am aware of everything. I know you think I am deceiving you now, but there is something I have been waiting for, I would say.”
What are you waiting for?
“I am waiting for the opportunity to prove myself to her, to show her how strong I am and how I can turn a new page, give her what she deserves. I expect to triumph and attain power in situations where I am entitled. First of all, I need to prove myself, and then I will be ready to show how I take care of my relationship, I am ambitious.”
What is it that you are ambitious about?
“Against those with whom I have experienced difficulties and money-related issues in my life! I cannot take a step without solving these problems, I am in love with her, but I cannot call on the strength to fix her broken heart right now, because I cannot trust myself. “
And what do you think your girlfriend should do?
“I want her to understand why I am not stable and struggling, I want you her to understand that I am really in a hard period material-wise. I know I am causing her to experience loss in the spiritual sense; I cannot take emotional steps, I left her miserable, but I want her to know that I will come back. I am lighting my way now. She should wait for me, we will be much happier. If she waits for me, I will fix all the situations I have put her through. I miss her so much. I have made all my plans. When I look back, I have a lot of regrets and a lot of anger towards myself, I caused a lot of things, they happened because of me. I have to break things down so I can be with her, and I am determined to do that. I know how loving she is, but I was helpless and I apologize to her.”
What do you think you should do according to your girlfriend?
“I cannot understand what she wants me to do, after what happened she is no longer clear in the way she acts. It’s just that she’s not as tolerant as she used to be, she’s on her guard against me, but she never leaves my mind. Even though I know it made her withdraw, it hurts me so much to see her like this, but I am hopeful that I will fix everything, even if I am stuck in the past, I will make room for the new, I will open that door.”
Would you like to tell her that?
“I can’t, I can’t overcome my ego, I need to be alone, I need some more time. I will love, live and make sure she lives too, as we should. I love her like I love myself…” he continued, and after we progressed a little further, we were at a very, very different point later in the session.
In the midst of the desert heat, a man who walks in the desert without digging a water well and is thirsty reaches an oasis, but cannot quaff the water… Do we really love ourselves? How do we love ourselves? What does the value of love mean to us? Does this expression belong to us? How do we show our love? Does it really belong to us how we show our love? Please watch the short practice videos about values I have prepared for you on YouTube.
“In one of our talks, they say ‘you cannot really touch a heart that you cannot kiss from its wounds’, what do you think, she asked me. Then we started arguing and she finally told me that I was not right, but that she was too tired to continue the subject anymore, and at that moment I realized that I was losing her. I recently read that it said: no matter what her mind tells her, her feelings will tell her the truth. I hope she understands me.”
What wears you out the most with people you are in a relationship with?
“When their words and actions are not the same… I have seen and experienced this since I was a child. “I can”s don’t make sense anymore, let them do and show it! Actually, everyone I know is already fighting their own battles…”
What have you noticed during this coaching session?
“For the first time in this relationship, I woke up from my blind faith created by my root beliefs! Not everyone is the same, eventually, it’s me who makes it all the same. In my relationship with my family, my friends, my business circle, my friends, in almost all my relationships… I thought of a quote from Rumi that said; “your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
My coachee persuaded to bring his precious oasis insulated from desert conditions, rare and desired by everyone, formed by rare water and plants in that desert to the session, and for us, the process continued as relationship coaching. For them, it is now summer all year round!
Come on, let’s find and remove these barriers within you, as well.