Seek first to understand, then to be understood!
You have received countless trainings until now, over and over you can explain the smart technique, 80/20 rule, the desire to win, goal setting to be used for social or professional life, the inside-out journey methods of transformation and change.
The pleasure of being able to internalize and share knowledge is an immense pleasure. While embracing learning with pleasure is appreciated, what is often ignored is that a happy life that will overflow as you carry it into life. You are the seed planted on the earth after each training…
The earth is your soil, your loved ones your sun, the people you trust are your water, the pain, your wind. You have such a great potential; sprout from your seed. Run on your way to becoming a tree for your goals. Leaf by leaf you should bear fruit; with your branches you should give support and with your trunk give confidence. Only intend to…
There is being a tree, then there is remaining straw. CHOOSE! “The choice is yours, either you hold steady with the values in your roots, like a plane tree on the instant of a hurricane or you are dashed right to left like a reed. The choice is yours, no matter what you choose, have choices you will put up with the consequences of. If you choose to shine with an ore full of light, let’s go back to square one and talk about the first foundation in the coaching profession that deal with all areas of life, Co-active coaching and its impact on sessions.
We face a lot of issues in life that we don’t know about our own lives. It is only when we experience a big incident that we begin to investigate the methods of striving in relationships or achieving ultimate success in our professional life, the transformative effects of restructuring and externalising.
The forms of identity within us desire to be understood wherever we are. Yet listening, listening with the intention of understanding is the area that is least considered. Whatever is wavy, foggy, cloudy, unclear or unpredictable, we learn about when we listen to it. Until the dark waters of the subconscious turn into a deluge with social influences and overflow into your life, the disruptive feelings are invisible.
As for taking a stance towards life and setting your course in the world plan, they should be of the same discipline as making a time management plan in your professional life. In order to design your future, it is important to design the path to the point you want. Gaining economic power and gaining emotional power are parallel. As you perform the necessary deeds, you begin to live the life you want.
As you move towards the life you want to live, believe that that life is drawing close as well. When habits and behavior patterns change, your life changes. As you capture the harmony with your inner strength, you realize that your heart, as Pascal said, has its own reasons that your mind doesn’t know about.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood!
Before you assess and offer suggestions, ask yourself; what is making you so unhappy?
In Co-active coaching, the coach uses coaching tools and works on all areas of an individual’s life. He coaches change, balance, satisfaction, limiting beliefs, peace, passion, happiness, and simplicity.
He listens with the intention to understand, creates the process with strong observation and powerful questions. He creates and sustains Co-active Coaching with further, deeper development and management. He even observes the changes in the speaking speed and voice of the client. Ancient Greek philosophy Ethos, Pathos, Logos… Ethos is personal values, Patos, our empathic side, our emotions, and Logos is the part of logic and reasoning. This philosophy is important for the relationship between the coach and the client during the session.
Our session with my client, who was living a glorious life from the outside, but feeling a terrible loneliness on the inside, was one of the clearest examples of Co-active coaching. He had enough of being patient, and he was carrying emotional weight with extreme loneliness along with some potent desires. The emotional loneliness that comes with reaching the point of great sacrifices…
While continuing his narrative about the fights that turned into a great struggle in his relationship, his response to his partner was quite striking. “Life is too heavy by itself, so don’t expect me to carry you when I cannot even carry myself in difficulties. It constricts my soul.” I asked my client where exactly does he feel this feeling in his body. In my heart and in my chest; he replied. He needed relief in his heart, and expansiveness on his chest; However, I had to get him to reach them with the tools of Co-active coaching.
An individual’s inner spaciousness comes from his love for him/ herself along with his/ her power to transform deeply. This is a situation often experienced by those who make a habit of leaving everything to time. Held by what they cannot reach, constantly bored with what they have and longing for those in the past; the lives stuck in timelessness and inaction wears them out.
After a while, the family unrest and struggles with family elders, being unaware of their feelings with an intense work tempo, jumping into every job without thinking along with emotional thresholds experienced without realization become impossible to cope with.
Have you ever had a relationship that you chose to end even though you loved them very much?
It is a very difficult situation but if it is about choosing yourself, there is no other option. Are you aware of what you are saying yes to when you say no?
When did you get to the point where you found it useful to do a loss analysis? What happened at that moment that triggered you?
What are you experiencing that you just cannot find the strength to choose yourself over, instead of keeping it going?
Or what kind of path you are creating for yourself by still loving someone who does not choose you?
Could there be a feeling of incompletion in that feeling you call love?*****
Could there be a longing for incompletion in that feeling you call love?***************
Or what does having a stable relationship with someone make you compromise in your life?
I assure you that if you find your comfort zone, you will break out of that loop.
Is the end of your relationship a decision that belongs to your family, or you?
And how is the life you saw you could not change, so you changed yourself?
Remember that life serves those who follow their own path.
My client’s analogy for this path was very interesting. The tale of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz…
The Tin Man, the Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow, Toto, the Cowardly Lion, Dorothy, who teleports knocking her ruby slippers together, and countless adventures in the Land of Oz…
The whole process has then been determined at the present situation in the session with Co-active coaching.
Here, if you stick to that path and proceed without letting what happens demotivate you, then you reap and harvest. Even the setbacks that stop you are a part of the process. Focus on the positive sides and make mature decisions. First, appreciate the distance you have come so far. Relieve your tight chest, which you feel trapped in, as my client did, with a bubble of good feelings that you cherish.
With Co-active coaching, which allows you to make more consistent and healthier plans in whatever you decide with your free will, it can take you a week to get to the point you will maybe reach in three months. You can transform the negative and toxic emotions you have been experiencing for years in one session.
Deciding on happiness!
I hear you say that you want the dark clouds inside you to dissipate, the difficult periods to come to an end; you want to let everything go. I’m not a weatherman, of course, but how about answering the call of happiness with a smile on your face?
“I feel like I’m in a fog, my head is not getting any clearer!” cried out my client, to my great surprise. There was another outcry when he felt clearance with Co-active coaching tools. “I want to lie back confidently but I’m afraid of bricks and walls.”
Don’t worry, we are not skipping to civil work from meteorology, but we were talking about professional life. With personal victory, virtue, good fortune, abundance, valor, success, and wisdom; the problems with his wife in his private life snowballed on top of the professional life problems he experienced.
The belief that success in emotional relations and professional life don’t go hand in hand, was leading my client to a big deadlock that he did not notice. I listened to his angry dispute with himself because he could not handle his emotions at the time. And in professional life, I listened to his insecure and self-destructive actions.
What he discovered at this point with the Co-active coaching tools, strong observation, and powerful questions was unique. The source of obsessions is our own ego. The emotional pressure on us is then lifted when we release the desires that our minds expect to be satisfied.
What did you “have to” do in your life with thought and belief patterns that suppressed who you are, made you consider yourself inadequate, led you to sabotaging yourself and saying it could have been better? Discover the part exist freely inside you.
What are you going through with the time lost waiting for the fog to pass?
You are not aware of your decreasing motivation that pulls you down in the relationship you run away from as you move towards issues on which you should not waste your energy. With so many voices in your head, constant assumption, confusion, needless implications, and a struggle to establish a cause-and-effect relationship open the door to emotions bringing heavy burdens.
Explore ways to be happy, to feel good and beautiful.
What side of your situation have you not explored yet?
Remember that no parent wants their child to be born in 5 months. Enjoy your eternal happiness now.
If there is already a table in the room you work at your company, would you buy another one?
What would being aware of your own potential and abilities bring you?
In this way, the belief that emotional relations and professional life not working together, breaks down. Dear colleagues, let our branches meet as the roots step on the ground one by one…